Saturday, May 16, 2009

Awkward, warning: tipsy rambling

For the sake that, this blog is a personal journal of mine, which is publicly accessible. Plus, I wasn't fulfilling my responsibilities as a blogger, I felt entitled to write something about my day.

I have just arrived from a friend's birthday party at a club, so I'm a little tipsy, not drunk, but tipsy, firstly cause I only had one cocktail, and half of it was stolen. Plus, due to a previous life error regarding alcohol, I made a promise to myself or to another that I won’t be drunk in front of these particular friends of mine ever again, or was it a promise to not drink alcohol in front of them ever again….I was drunk and had a hang over, so I can’t remember it in full detail, hopefully it was the first one, I hate breaking promises.

Overall it was a great night, beautiful ladies, good atmosphere, good friends, good drinks, but something wasn’t functioning within me, no it wasn't a penis erection problem, I'm very healthy down there.

I have come to a notice that, it was an awkward moment for me to see friends after god knows how long, immediately after the party started. I'm pretty sure everyone has experienced this some point in their life. Mine just happened recently. I had a pretty lonesome life until now, maintaining minimum communication and only developed professional relationships and I adapted to that life style quite nicely. To be brief, I was really rusty.

So I haven’t met or even spoken to a few old friends for nearly half a year. From previous experiences at life, to me half a year is a sign that I’m no longer affiliated, I’ve never grown accustomed to a long term friendship with a group of people, thus confusion arose. It was a simple matter of come and go for me. However, this night was interesting to me never the less and well, a good personal experience.

Firstly, I found it rather hard to mingle in well, my conversation skills were shallow, not engaging, overall I was boring. Maybe I was thinking too much, maybe a portion of my brain stopped functioning after being blasted to tiny little bits by dance music, ultimately the result was that I was a complete buffoon who simply stood there like paper weight, confused and lost for no apparent reason, and that was no good, cause I don't look good physically speaking so I couldn't pull the whole dumb male model act. I’ve lost the muse, I’ve lost the groove, I just felt as if I was wearing a horrible yellow shirt with a purple tie (not my favorite color combination mind you). Not to mention the music made it hard for me to listen to, well pretty much anything, I’m actually hard at hearing, it’s from my father’s side, this means conversations were well…going one way really.

Secondly, I’ve broken a glass (I karate chopped a friend’s wrist as to stop him from drinking, but he was so drunk he couldn’t produce a proper grip and I was so tipsy that I lost my control of physical exertion), sure it was just a glass, but my attempt to cover it was horrible. Not only that, it was a real blow to my already bruised ego at the time. I felt horrible, I felt as if I wanted to run away, my mind was irrational, etc etc. I went outside to escape, under the pretense of wanting fresh air and escorting a friend to the nearest train station….lol at my loserness.

Then…….well…I came back. Not too sure why, maybe I wanted to save face, maybe I found it dishonorable, never knew, I just went back. At least the pretense of wanting fresh air was a reality.

At least the cool air had cooled my head, I was rational again. Still, I took the defensive measure, coming back to the group silently, sitting on the edge. It was awkward, I felt awkward, ashamed, and well…horrible. Not meeting friends in a long time, yet I couldn’t speak a single proper sentence to them and I acted like a total jack ass…yea brilliant.

Well, it was a good night overall. Not too bad and I wasn’t a total trash….someone already took that role, though I did want to take that role for myself. Anyhows, it was quite fun escorting a drunk friend bickering at me for taking him away from his potential lady, who happened to be happily married and he was flirting on her next to her husband. But I must say, he was probably the smoothest talker and the most romantic Casanova when he was drunk than I would ever be, and that my friend is something to instigate any man's endless envy.

Thinking back on it, I was just panicking over nothing, I was in the vice like grips of confusion losing my precious calm composure and I hope it never happens again. I just hope I would look back to this memory and cherish it.

Thinking back on it again, this is one hell of a very embarrassing post. Good thing, I don't have any followers. I better hit the publish post button before I'm fully sober.

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